Category Archives: Life

“Bring my shuttle…”

In the original version of the movie (the movie) The Empire Strikes Back, toward the end, Darth Vader offers a bargain of sorts to Luke. Luke declines, then falls off a platform, apparently to his doom. Soon after that, there’s a shot of Darth Vader striding along surrounded by some of the Imperial garrison he’s stationed on Bespin. He says,

Bring my shuttle.

The scene is only about 15 or 20 seconds long, but it’s a nice little moment. It leverages the inscrutable mask and the voice-over talents of James Earl Jones to leave you wondering just how Luke’s decision has affected Vader.

In the DVD box set that came out in the fall of 2004, there are many improvements and a number of bad decisions. Of the later, the most controversial is having Greedo shoot first, but the worst is probably the alteration of the musical number in Jabba’s throne-room from Return of the Jedi. It was bad before, but now it’s simply awful.

But. Bad as that is, it’s understandable. The old music was limited by the puppets’ acting ability but also by the evolution of musical tastes. You can see why Lucas (or someone whose opinions he values) decided to replace the puppets with CG and the music with something “modern.” Fine. They were terribly, terribly wrong. But it’s just a tragic misjudgment: you can at least understand their motivations.

What is unfathomable, however, is the replacement of the original dialog for this tiny scene where Darth Vader summons a ride back to his star destroyer. Now, instead of saying:

Bring my shuttle.

Vader says:

Alert my star destroyer to prepare for my arrival.

What could have possessed them to make this change?

  1. It’s too wordy. Why say nine words when three will do very nicely?
  2. It’s so not Darth to alert anyone about anything. This is just the sort of time when people better be ready to show him how on-the-ball they are, or suffer the consequences.
  3. Finally, it suggests incompetence on the part of the Imperial Navy. “Bring my shuttle” says that you flunkies have been waiting for my order, the shuttle is fueled and manned, and you’re about to set the All-Empire record for transit from orbit to airborne city landing platform, or else everyone involved will die a slow, miserable death gasping out their apologies. “Alert my star destroyer to prepare for my arrival” envisions a star destroyer whose crew is so unfathomably lackadaisical as to be unalerted and unprepared when
    1. the Emperor’s personal representative is onboard
    2. when said representative is Darth Vader, and
    3. when he’s already strangled Admirals Ozzell and Needa since coming on board.

Accordingly, I hereby nominate this change for the single dumbest alteration of what is nevertheless one of the best movies ever made, and by far the best of the Star Wars series.

Book Packing

I’ve been packing. Our lease (actually, the 1-month extension) runs out at the end of the month, so we’re moving. I expect to know where we’re moving no later than the 24th or 25th, so we can give the moving company a “to:” address.

Anyway, I’ve been packing books. I hope to mail some of them to their final destination. (Oddly enough, the USPS media mail rate is cheaper than certain national relocation specialists. Which is why a stamp costs $0.39, I suppose.)

With the first couple of boxes I did a little study. I figured out that a 1.5 cubic-foot box of my old computer books averages 39 books and 55 lbs, while same size box of seminary books has 51 books but only weighs 45 lbs. These samples aren’t perfectly representative. The computer book sample represents almost half of the computer books I still have. (I used to have a whole bunch more, but my wife spent the last three years unloading them them on half.com.) The sample of seminary books, on the other hand, was only about 5-10% of that category, and even then, it skewed light, since it included a bunch of C.S. Lewis paperbacks.

But from these (flawed but not hopelessly so) data can be determined the following facts:

  • My average computer book weighs 1 lb 6.5 oz., while the average book from seminary weighs 14.1 oz.
  • The average computer book in this sample occupies 66.5 cubic inches while the average seminary book occupies only 50.8 cubic inches. (Typically, books aren’t cubical, but if they were, these would be cubes 4.0 and 3.7 inches on each side, respectively.)
  • Thus, the density of a computer book is about 5.6 ounces per cubic inch, while a seminary book is about 3.8 ounces per cubic inch.

(These numbers again in SI, for the world readership: computer books average 0.64 kg mass, 1.089 litres in volume, and 0.59 g/cm^3 density. Seminary books average 0.40 kg mass, only about 0.83 litres volume, and about 0.48 g/cm^3 density.)

The Aviator

I finished watching Martin Scorsese’s The Aviator (2004). (I started watching before my last neutral pulpit trip — but it’s a long movie.) It’s a good movie. The plot and the characters are engaging enough to pull you along, so you want to find out what happens next. (This is not as common as you might think. If you watch movies in a theater, sipping a coke and munching popcorn, a movie has to be pretty stupid for you to give up on it. But I watch movies mainly when I’m exercising, and a part of me is always thinking, “okay, I’m ready to stop.” Probably no more than half of the movies I see are engaging enough to make me want to continue.)

I really liked pretty boy‘s performance. He was good enough as the generic Howard Hughes, but he was simply outstanding in the sequence where he testified before the senate hearing. I have vague memories of seeing articles about Hughes (probably from the time he died) and I specifically recall the arched eyebrows. DiCaprio was also good in Catch Me If You Can, and not good enough to keep me from giving up on Gangs of New York.

Alec Baldwin and Alan Alda were good as the no-good pair of scheming crooks their characters were portrayed as being. Delicious, too, was the irony of casting those guys as a pair of back-scratching corporate-statists.

Still Alive…

I’ve been traveling. Just had two back-to-back trips to various places for neutral-pulpit sermons. The weekends were packed with being shown the church and town, meeting with COM, recovering on each end of the trip from jet-lag, etc. I also wrote separate sermons each week, being (so far) a lectionary preacher. All in all it takes up a fair bit of time.

Also I got a sinus infection (which seems to happen with pretty much every cold). I’m taking some bloody antibiotic (appears not to work, after 5 days in a 10-day regime) and mucinex (?) to try to lessen the pastiness of my mucus. Okay. That last was probably too much information.

My point is just that I am alive. Just busy. And sick.

Them’s fightin’ words!

At bedtime in my house we’re reading Treasure Island. Last night, Long John Silver delivered a brief speech that included this line:

Have I lived this many years, and a son of a rum puncheon cock his hat athwart my hawse at the latter end of it?

Somehow son of a rum puncheon cock his hat athwart my hawse isn’t what most people think to say on Talk Like a Pirate Day. Then you mostly hear “Arrrh” and “Avast” — and maybe, if you’re really lucky, “Shiver me timbers!”
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Beam me up: young James Kirk

According to the evil Reuters Viacom apparently think they can squeeze a few more bucks from the Franchise, apparently:

Daily Variety said the action would center on the early days of “Star Trek” characters James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock, including their first meeting at Starfleet Academy and first outer-space mission.

The paper described “Star Trek” as Hollywood’s most durable performer after James Bond, spawning 10 features that have grossed more than $1 billion and 726 TV episodes from six series.

I’m trying to think whether I ever saw Nemesis. I know I didn’t see it at the theaters, but I don’t think I even checked it out of the library.

Young James T. Kirk. I assume the sales pitch sold it as a sort of “Harry Potter without the scar and Hogwarts in space.” With Spock as a sort of Hermione character. Scotty would be Hagrid. Chekov would be Krum. Bones would be, um, someone else.